Our child died from an overdose of OxyContin. NOT from an overdose of pink.

In the last two and a half years, there has been a wide variety of theories, rumors and explanations for our sixteen year-old daughter's death being floated about when people assume that we are out of earshot. The most egregious of these, I have heard all too often and no less than three times in the last week … enough to tip the scale in the favor of tongue-unbiting.

Our child did not die because we let her be a girl, or as some have phrased it, because we “let him pretend to be a girl”. She died because someone knowingly or unknowingly made available to her their prescription medication and she chose to take it, feeling (I suspect) as invincible as every other sixteen year-old does. And I mention this here and now because the next time I hear that some ignorant asshole has been yammering on about shit they don't know shit about, I will not give them the courtesy of leveling this warning shot across the bow.

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8 Responses

  1. sizzle

    2011 Sep 07 1

    I just read a friend on line say something about how it is terrible that parents of a ten year old boy are letting him be a girl. I didn’t even know how to express my disagreement with him but I do, heartily, disagree.

    I don’t even know if they deserve a warning shot. Really.

  2. M.

    2011 Sep 07 2

    I’m so sorry Deb that you have to experience and hear that crap….


  3. Pete

    2011 Sep 08 3

    what Siz said – callous ignorance such as that doesn’t deserve a warning shot.

  4. Evelyn

    2011 Sep 21 4

    People are so nasty. My friends mom passed away a week ago, her family did not help at all with any of the arrangements. They did however contact the funeral home and had every document and reading changed to read her birth name and sex. :-(

    I hate being on the other side of the country, I would be there for support if I could.

  5. Furthering the Narrative of Trans-Suffering

    2012 Oct 16 5

    […] I wrote two years ago in a sharp-tongued memo, I do not believe that Ashlie's gender brought about her death. In this way the narrative of […]

  6. CM Lopez

    2012 Oct 29 6

    I'm sorry for what you and Ashlie went through, the sting of a careless remark can hurt for a long time. I dabbled in prescription (and some non) drugs too, the scary part about some them is that the more you take the less you think you've had. It's true, in my mind, nothing could hurt me back then, and so I took many risks. I made it through, but several of my peers did not. It's the reality you don't understand while you're young, until the pain of loss makes you grow up and realize how pointless risks like these are. 

  7. Laurustina

    2012 Oct 29 7

    Christina – TY for the comment :) Before Ash died and while she was still in the hospital, Jeremy and I had an argument over whether or not we should let her teenage friends come to say their goodbyes. He didn't want to and I did because I wanted them to understand even to some small extent what such things can do. I won the argument and my sister ushered the girls into the room where one of them got into a conversation with the nurse about the technical details of her overdose. The nurse calmly and seriously explained everything. It was need-to-know information and I hope it has served them well. 

  8. Michael

    2012 Nov 29 8

    Greetings Laurustina, I want to express my understanding over the loss of your child. It is not and easy thing to happen. I too have lost a son, he died this past Febuary of an overdose of OxyContin as well. No words can ever fill the void left when a child dies.

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