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My friend Jorge read the following poem from the Great Sufi Master Hafiz at Ashlie’s bedside on our last day with her. My dear friend Dan read it again, at her memorial. I take comfort in these words today as we mark the four-year anniversary of her death.

Love is
the funeral pyre
where i have laid my living body.
 
All the false notions of myself
that once caused fear, pain,
have turned to ash
as i neared God.
 
What has risen
from the tangled web of thought and sinew
now shines with jubilation
through the eyes of angels
and screams from the guts of
infinite existence
itself.
 
Love is the funeral pyre
where the heart must lay
its body.
 
- Hafiz (translation by Daniel Ladinsky)
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Mouse (aka Max) boiled and baked this week’s stash of homemade bagels. As a Christmas bonus, you’re also welcome to this Bagel Bitch’s favorite Sun-Dried Tomato Bagel recipe.

tsunami

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This is my favorite photo

of Jordan and J. (2001)

Everything you need to know

about their relationship

in those years, is here. 

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The song is stuck in my head this morning.

The photo still makes me smile.

The 3+ years she's been gone are mostly a blur.

I keep waiting to come out the other side of the grief

but the truth is – there is no other side.